but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
