I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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