It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
