The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
