How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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