Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
