Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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