he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
