Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I want her autograph on my taint
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
