how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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