You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
