That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
