her vagine was all disorganized.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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