Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
