she woke up with a sticky ear
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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