everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
