problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
