Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
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i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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