You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
