Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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