I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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