Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
