11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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