Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
someone owes me an orgasm
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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