What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
