he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
