I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
no you cant smoke seaweed
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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