and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
