Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
