ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
