If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
