I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
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He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize