im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
