Pappa wants mamma naked
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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