You don't have asthma, your pregnant
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
