Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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