all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
