Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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