How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
