so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
