You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
