I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Randomize
