I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize