I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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