he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
