DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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