let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
