I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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