the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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