Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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