Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
