I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
