it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
