Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
