Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she looked like the before picture.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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