Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
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I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
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Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.