i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.