Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
4 words: hood of his car
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.