There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
