so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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