brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
The air taste purple.
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