I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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