I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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