I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
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Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
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Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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