You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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