just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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