I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
