and you said cock pushups were impossible
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
