Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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