i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
