let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
