The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
no, he came in my armpit
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
