Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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