I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
