I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
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totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
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That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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