Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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