I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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