when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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