Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
