Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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