I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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