You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
