That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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