chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
